The Teenager

[Source: US Department of Justice - National Sex Offender Public Website]

  

From that, we can see that there's a decline in the frequency of teenage/child sex abuse. However, what about what happens in the minds of those who have already been abused? Most of them end up becoming suicidal. That's not what we want them to do. We want them to heal. That is why this post was written. 

This post was written by a teenager, Deborah Ishember Job, for this blog 'The Teenager'. She wishes to share her thoughts on how best one who has been sexually abused can heal. I hope you have fun reading this, and you get to learn from it. Also, share your thoughts on this topic by dropping your comments below. 

     HOW TO HEAL FROM SEXUAL ABUSE - FOR TEENS AND TWEENS

 I know this is usually a sticky topic everyone evades but that hasn't made it any less real. It knocks at our very doorstep and we have to tackle it head on. It doesn't just apply to the female sex as stereotypes suggest but the guys are also victims of this. Sexual abuse is any form of cruel and unfair treatment to a person relating to sex. It could include rape in most cases. According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) statistics, a sexual assault occurs every 107 seconds and 44% of these victims are teenagers. Yikes!!! Also it's mind boggling to find that 1 out of every 5 girls are victims and 1 out of every 20 boys are victim so the guys aren't safe from this savage predator in our society. For the teens who've been through this emotionally paralysingly experience, there's no going back, only forward. Based on a primary study of people and some research, these are the five steps to get over sexual abuse trauma:

1) Acceptance. 

2) Speak out. 

3) Find peace. 

4) Live your life.

5) Reach out to others. 

Let's take a look at these now. 

ACCEPTANCE

Many teenagers wallow in disbelief after they've experienced maybe rape or assault and might end up living in denial of that event. Maybe that helps. No it doesn't! It would only be like a fatal wound ignored which would worsen with time. However, find that teeny tiny place in your mind to agree with yourself that it all happened and it's done. It may seem hard at first but I haven't seen any problem that has been solved via avoidance or ignorance. You control your emotions not the other way round, it's best to squarely tackle the issue. Whispering to yourself, "it all happened yes, but it was beyond my control" could be a helpful mantra. 

SPEAK OUT

Here comes the hard part. We teenagers are at a very crucial point in our lives where we love and live communication. Please do not nurse memories of sexual attacks like a clandestine relationship but speak out! Now by "speak out" I do not mean you have to give Ted talks about it and all. We are all very unique with varying levels of boldness so yeah, telling a crowd of twenty may help some but to many, just telling a kind and listening ear would go to great lengths in making this trauma history. It's more advisable to find someone you are more congenial to and pour out your heart to them. It may be hard to try it, but it always works out fine. The stigma some norms and culture attach to sexual abuse might make it more difficult for some teenagers to ever talk about it but know that there's always a kind person even in the midst of stereotypical grinches. Find that person but precaution should be taken. Never confide in someone who has the slightest chance of stigmatizing you because of what has happened. Instead, meet positive people who would elevate your spirit. The human brain is more relaxed once you vent off some of that anger and frustration. Let off some steam!! If you're able to access some professional help like maybe therapist, that is also one way to jump the broom of speaking out!! One might ask, "what if the person preying on me is someone whom I trusted and confided in?" Yes there are cases of these. If you're placed in such a situation, do not hesitate to reach out to a trusted relative, a friend or even a social worker. Find help as soon as possible. 

FIND PEACE

This may seem all churchy and religious but it actually works!!! Have you ever been mad at someone and then you just forgave them? Did you feel that weight lift off your chest and you then find that the air seems easier to take in?! Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying these predators shouldn't be brought to face the wrath of our lady Justice but I'm saying you shouldn't let their action be a reason to lose your cool. It hurts, yes but it shouldn't define us. Free yourself of the rage and forgive the predator. This is definitely hard pill to swallow. However, the difficulty of the task shouldn't prevent us from undertaking it. Be a conqueror, be the better person, be strong, forgive. 

LIVE YOUR LIFE

The "poor me" mentality transcends cases of sexual abuse. Mostly teenagers want an excuse and someone or something to blame. The fact you were abused doesn't mean you can't live your life. You can!! Remember when you were five and maybe wanted to be an astronaut or a doctor or an engineer? Be five again!! Rekindle that starry-eyed child in you and this time, strive to be that person. Live the life you've imagined and live it well. The fact you've faced an abuse doesn't mean the road ahead has been blocked. It's only a testing experience that makes the saga of your life more inspiring to all who hears of it. So yeah, bad stuff happens. No wait scratch that, shit happens but then you can't let it stop you from dauntlessly pursuing your dreams. Go get your dream!!

REACH OUT TO OTHERS

Some may say, "I made it on my own, why can't they?" Truth is, you didn't. You got help from someone directly or indirectly. A single act of kindness creates an endless chain that cannot be broken. If you've been able to survive sexual abuse and move on with your life, your joy can't be complete until you help someone do same. It's like the joy of motherhood. You watch and nurture someone to do better than you did at that stage. The feeling is ecstatic!! The fastest way to true happiness is making others happy. Yes, if you wanna heal the wounds of sexual abuse you have to help someone too. Probably someone who has been recently exposed to that brutal experience. A youngling. A really good example is motivational speaker and preacher, Joyce Meyer who was raped by her own father countless times but she still rose above the ashes of "poor me" to be a role model to many. This isn't just limited to those who've experienced sexual abuse at one point in their life or so. It also touches the other teenagers. There's no harm in trying to help a brother or sister in need. 

Now some may have the "it's never gonna be me" mentality. Truth is, it could be you. However, there are certain precautions that could be taken for yourself and others to avoid sexual abuse. Some of them are: 

- Be confident

 Sexual predators usually prey on people who do not have a voice of their own, mostly teenagers. Keep a sharp eye contact and be vigilant. 

-Ask for help all times and be ready to give it. 

If you feel unsafe in a place, call for help. Maybe a relative or even the police. You can also do this to help someone. 

-Trust: trust your instincts at all times. If you feel something is off, don't ignore it but please avoid paranoia. 

Remember, everything happens for a reason and time cannot be reversed to avert the past but a messy future filled with guilt can be averted. We are the Tomorrow People and as such we should coexist for a better us and a better world.   

Stay Inspired! 

NOTE! If you have any article worth sharing on things that affect Teenagers, and you have clearly stated the solutions to the problems, send a copy to arinze_obiezue@yahoo.com and I'd go through it. If it's found germane to the current goings-on in the teenage world, you would have your article posted on 'The Teenager'. 

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I know it may seem crazy, but you were my childhood celebrity crush! Keep doing what you do. We would always be proud of you, Beyonce! As you turn 34 today, have fun. There's no other royalty in the entertainment industry but you. Have fun like the Queen you are. Happy Birthday!